On location in Guelph, Ontario

Researchers at the University of Guelph have made a great contribution to the world of horse racing; however, they still have room for improvement in the controversial stem cell research arena.

When heartbroken Italian construction magnate Catelli Buttchelli begged the stem cell research department at the U of G one early summer morning to try to grow a whole horse from just a head, they knew they had their work cut out for them.

Mr. Buttchelli awoke one morning to find the head of his most prized horse in bed with him and Mrs. Buttchelli. It was she who became aware of it first. She noticed a strange dampness as she wiggled her toes around in her semi-conscious state. Then, as she moved her hand around under the sheets, she experienced an odd mucky yucky sensation. "Did somebody have an accident?" she said to herself quietly. Half awake, she reached out timidly for confirmation and discovered to her horror the fruits of what could only be a gangland style mob hit. She began screaming hysterically which woke her husband who began screaming hysterically. But thanks to some fast thinking, a warm blanket, and a fast car, they scooped up the still warm but bleeding horse head and rushed it to Guelph.

Once there, skilled researchers and veterinarians earned their oats that day and made what is now medical, surgical and research-ical history.

It is A Half-Fast Attempt

Despite the fact that the horse only has two legs it worked out very well said the head of the surgical team. The first two legs are always the hardest...the last two should be along in about six to eight months. It's a lot to put in and expect from a petrie dish but so far so good.

The horse actually runs as fast as the four legged model which is quite amazing. "And the beauty is," exclaimed a delighted Buttchelli, "it doesn't require a rider which will really save money in the long run."

Will wonders never cease?